I recently decided it would be a good idea to see if Lulu could commit my cell phone number to memory, and I never - truly - thought beyond safety reasons. She now knows my "phone password" by heart. And she's not afraid to use it. When I see the house phone on the caller ID, I know it's her before I even answer because she's the only one who uses it now.
"Hello Lulu," I say without pause.
"Where ARE you now???" She responds in the same demanding, almost desperate, tone every time.
I have to admit that - at first - I was really frustrated by her persistence, and I am ashamed to say that it started to feel like an annoyance. I was met with a child on the other end who didn't understand why I was away from her and there was usually an onslaught of tears, and even rage accompanying the fear of abandonment. I knew I had to answer if I could. Once I left my ringer off by mistake and picked up my phone to find 8 missed calls. I knew they were all from her.
Then one day, the Holy Spirit grabbed me and breathed grace. I took a step back from my own selfish pettiness and basked in the astounding wonder of it all...the fact that she was able to memorize my number, for one. But even more, to embrace the wonderful notion of our daughter knowing that she can pick up a phone anytime and hear Mama's voice when she feels insecure or lonely. Sometimes she just wants to say "good morning" if I'm exercising and not there when she wakes up. Sometimes she wants to call me to say "good night" on the occasion I'm out at a meeting or with friends. The calls are getting better, and they are getting shorter. Each conversation brings her closer to the security and peace in her mind that I'll be home soon.
I will never again answer her calls without pure gratitude that she's able, and willing, to call me...even if it's ten times a day. This child never had a mother's number to memorize before. For nearly six years, this child never had a mother at her beckoned call.
I am grateful that Lulu, and all my babies, have the ability to reach me whenever they want to, and that they have a mama to call at all. Thank you, JESUS, for these precious gifts.
