On the few occasions that Charlie's been (slightly) injured lately--like hurt enough to cry--I noticed that he instantly looks around for his blanket.
And it hits this Mommy right where it hurts.
Because I want him to run to me.
Not to his blanket. Not to his two middle fingers that have soothed him for his first two years of life.
I want to be his first choice for comfort, because I want our son to feel that--beyond any other place--he is totally secure in his Mommy's arms.
And that he is truly loved. I want him to run to me without hesitation, and without fail.
Charlie's been home for a year now, and while that may seem like a long time to some, we know there's still much bonding to be done.
After all, he was in the care of an institution longer than he's been in our family.
I guess one could say that right now I'm a bit hyper-sensitive to his self-soothing behavior. So the second that something happens, and I see Charlie scan the room for his blankie, I will be right there to scoop him up.
And hold him.
And kiss him.
And hug him.
And make his boo-boo all better.
And I won't let him go until I know that he gets it. Over and over again.
I pray that one day soon, I'll be able to report that he ran to me...first.