Sunday, November 14, 2010

Pain in the midst of joy

Tonight as we sat down to dinner, Madi and Daddy insisted on music. I tuned in to the holiday music channel, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Daniel won't be coming home for Christmas.

We won't get the picture on Santa's lap with Madi laughing and Daniel crying his eyes out.

He won't get to help decorate the house and break a few ornaments.

He won't get to watch Frosty and Rudolph and all those other Christmas classics.

He won't get to dance around the house singing Jingle Bells with Madi and Daddy.

He won't get to drive around and ooh and ahh at the beautiful lights.

He won't get the joy of meeting Matthew, his cousin, for the first time.

He won't get to see the beautiful stocking that Aunt Sheila knitted him by hand.

He won't know the awesome smell of a real Christmas tree.

We won't get to make Christmas cookies together (okay...that's a stretch and probably wouldn't happen, but it's fun to think about)

We won't see the joy on his face after his first visit from Santa.

As I sit in my puddle of tears, I am going to try to re-focus on what Daniel will see for Christmas.

He will see Jesus. He will be sitting right there on His lap enjoying every moment. Daniel will be listening to the choir of angels. He will see the brightest lights we can ever imagine. Daniel will be Home for Christmas.

And Daniel will be watching us...missing him.


Biba said...

Max will be closer to the real meaning of Christmas than any of us will be. Think of it ....

I don't think he will look on us as silly exactly, but oddly distracted with the man-made glitz of it all.

Oh yeah, we'll miss him.

Buck up, Mama, you've done good!

Take another bow, Max, you gave a brilliant performance in a short time.

Love you forever and ever,

Bubba and Grampster

Mo said...

Daniel was the cutest thing I've ever seen (thru pictures) and you have to miss the heck out of him. I feel your pain and shed a tear for you Frog as I read this. You need to cry, let it out cuz its ok. God has lead you down this road...and knows you can handle it. You will always have a guardian angel (or two ...or one hundred) watching over you. I talk to mine on a daily basis. We all hope you can soon take another journey, come back home, and get to enjoy your life with your adorable family, LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!! mo

Anonymous said...

Beautifully stated. Hang in there. Wendy