Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The "Right" Decision?

Every time I hear those words, I want to break.


I know that people are being kind and the intent is to console. That it comes out of love.

But--truly--who says we made "the right decision" not to adopt Olivia?

I can't even say those words for fear I'd choke on them. Because I think only God knows the answer to that.

And why?  Because we need to adhere to our cozy, comfortable, and convenient little life?

Well, what about HER?

What about that beautiful gentle child who stares off in the distance because she has NO ONE to love her and hold her and tell her how precious she is?

Does that seem like the right decision to you?

And then, naturally, people defend our other children and how this child's needs would take away from theirs.  But WHO SAYS a child with more needs is a BURDEN and not a BLESSING?

Shouldn't that be the most important lesson in LIFE?  That our children learn how to love unconditionally despite one's flaws?  Shouldn't they see that love doesn't stop short of perfection?

As you can see, I'm really struggling here. Please forgive me for wearing my heart on my sleeve today.

Dear Lord Jesus, please remove the bitterness from my heart and replace it with peace. I trust YOU. I have faith in your plan for our family, and I pray that YOU will be glorified through this storm. Please, Lord, please find her a home...find her a family.

I will NEVER consider this as a "right" decision, but rather a very difficult one we chose to make.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. -- Proverbs 3:5-6


Nikki said...

Love you Lisa and I'm so sorry you are struggling! Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope she finds a family SOON <3

Rita Buettner said...

Oh, so hard...sending prayers and hugs. Please vent away.

asian~treasures said...

This is probably a case where there is no 'right' or 'wrong' decision. It just is...

It's hard & it stinks & know that there are people praying for you & for Olivia!!

Meghan said...

My husband and I made the very difficult decision to release the file of a little boy with a very serious heart condition back in September. We did a lot of research and decided that it was more than we could handle at this point with our son being only 2 and both working. My heart still aches for our "Noah", and I wonder if we made the right decision. Hugs and prayers for peace!